On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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