I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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