Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
