matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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