I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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