He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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