I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
