Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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