did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
