After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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