cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
