I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
