i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
