I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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