So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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