I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think your dad took our porno
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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