How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
