This house was built for laser tag.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
