who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
