I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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