Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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