I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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