Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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