i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
