i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
