i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
