New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
