Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize