Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
