Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Buhtt sex?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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