the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
