i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
