oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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