Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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