what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
