I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
