They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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