She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
