When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
