At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
