you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
