omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
