I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
