oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
