You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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