In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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