better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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