Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
