i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
