This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
