The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
