Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
