She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
