Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
