At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
