Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
