At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
