She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
