Jerry, you need to find god
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
