Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
