are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is Oprah even human
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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