We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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