I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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