Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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