there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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