So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
